Reminder and warning: this blog has become my personal sounding board. BoMA is on hold, but writing is an artform I practice regularly, so here it is. My art. It is unfiltered and may not be appropriate for children.
I left Keap in December 2024, and almost immediately had a complication from a medical procedure that resulted in a siezure and then nearly constant, debilitating migraines. It was a time I needed to be working hard to establish my new entrepreneurial endeavors. Just when I had given up my full-time job with sick leave, I was very sick. I couldn’t get out of bed for days. Lights and sounds made me nauseous. My mental health deteriorated just as quickly, and it wasn’t great to begin with.
It felt like I got hulk smashed straight to a new kind of rock bottom I didn’t know existed, and it’s been one hell of a year recovering from that. I’m still working on it, but as my wife says, there’s a light in me again that hasn’t been there for a while.
Today I want to celebrate some of the good stuff. MY good stuff. No ranking, just happy thoughts as they occur to me.
Dimension 20
I mentioned this in my previous post, but I didn’t realize just how good this stuff would be. Since finishing the Gladlands season, I’ve been interacting with other D20 fans on Reddit and discovering this was a fairly unique season. No combat, which, even with my limited knowledge of tabletop RPG games, I know is unusual.
The collaborative storytelling I witnessed in Gladlands felt like a deeply human experience, especially given the themes they addressed. In a post-apocalyptic, dusty wasteland, the characters battled not monsters or villains, but scars from trauma, unresolved grief, fear of rejection, longing for rest, pain of loneliness, and unrealized dreams. I know how insane this is going to sound, and that’s precisely what makes it such a welcome surprise, but I relate to Quinn’s compulsive need to tell everyone she meets about how she ate her husband just a little too soon. I have OCD, and honesty is a huge compulsion for me. Many times, it has not served me well.
Or when Hugi officiated at the funeral redo for Muni, so his mom could have an opportunity to process grief she had never processed before, and she learned it’s okay to say at a funeral, “This sucks.” It’s okay to just say, “this fucking sucks.”
I found the season incredibly relatable, comforting, and even healing.
Airplane Noises
I’m writing this section in Hawaii, thanks to my generous parents. There’s too much surf today, but yesterday I went freediving, which is one of my favorite things to do. I could write an entire book about that, but just one new detail emerged yesterday. Sometimes I’m slightly lightheaded after a long dive. I actively avoid staying under too long, but there’s still sometimes a little of that funny feeling. When that happens, I relax at the surface and breathe normally through my snorkel.
On one dive, I was really enjoying the sensation of flying. Kick, glide, kick, glide. Perfectly neutrally buoyant. Incredible. I surfaced and felt the slightest bit of lightheadedness. Unrelated to that, I spread my arms and made airplane noises through my snorkel as I “flew” at the surface, and I discovered that the airplane noises produced a breath pattern that felt wonderful. My head felt clear instantly, and my body felt more relaxed than ever.
Airplane noises at the surface… never would have expected that. I was just leaning into a simple, childlike joy. Pretending I’m flying, making the noises. It was definitely some of the good stuff.
Coffee
I grew up Mormon, so I’ve only been drinking coffee for a few years. We don’t have a drip coffee maker at home – I got a French press and that’s all we’ve ever used. I make coffee for Heidi every morning, and she drinks it about 50% of the time.
She loves that I make coffee for her 100% of the time. When we’re apart, she misses the smell of coffee in the morning. She calls me her barista.
Sometimes I make her coffee, and then I open the fridge and see yesterday’s cup of coffee.
Note: while revisiting this draft, I found her cup of coffee in the microwave. She was not home. I added a bunch of ice and had myself some iced coffee. We’ll try again tomorrow.
Learning how to make coffee, experimenting with different types of syrups and creamers (usually a protein shake from Costco), and even pouring Heidi’s untouched coffee down the drain – all of it is good stuff.
KAP & Kate
Ketamine Assisted Psychotherapy and my therapist, Kate. Not gonna try to do this one justice, just gonna pour my gratitude into the period at the end of this sentence.
Garden State
The perfect movie. What a work of art. I just watched it again the other day. It teaches some important lessons tacitly, and then drives some big ones home explicitly. My favorite tacit takeaway is this: there is no wrong way to live your life. The grave digger with all the shady connections? He’s living his life, and it’s his to live. His strange life enables him to lead Andrew and Sam down a winding path of petty theft and seedy secret passages, culminating in a shockingly wholesome scene in the most unexpected setting. And the purpose of the journey? The holy grail he was seeking? It’s genuinely meaningful and beautiful, but Zac Braff puts it perfectly when his character is asked, “Don’t you want to know what’s in the bag?” and he responds, “Honestly, I don’t even care anymore.”
Let the destination be beautiful if it is, but in the meantime, what an unbelievable tapestry of different lives. The scenes at the end where everyone is back in their normal lives… are they missing it? Are they just tangential characters? Tangential to Largeman, yeah, maybe. But their lifestyles are also essential to the protagonist’s journey, and they are, of course, protagonists in their own unique tales. None of them is doing it wrong.
Sam’s explanation of her job, her insurance, her choice to laugh, and her willingness to cry? Just beautiful. “Besides, sometimes I look forward to a good cry. Feels pretty good.”
League of Legends
I’ve been playing that game for… 15 years? And it’s still my go-to. Garen is my main.
My Girls
Can’t do this justice, but let’s do one sentence each. Heidi makes sure I don’t sleep apnea myself to death. Afton gives the best hugs. Claire is very vocal about how much she loves being at home, and that warms my heart in an ineffable way.
Fake Plants
Thank god for one thing that doesn’t need maintenance and always looks perfect.
Brooks Glycerin (size 12)
Any version of Glycerins. The best shoes in the world. Sooo comfy. Like walking on clouds. My birthday is April 25th.
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