Dad is Tired. Mom is Tired.

I live in Utah, and traditional gender roles are pretty common out here. I get a lot of kudos for being such an involved dad, and I’m about to write about that without any filters for humility or pride. I’m exhausted because I kicked butt today, and I got my butt kicked today.

Probably an unnecessary preface, whatever, I am so tired. Here’s a rundown of the day:

• Something AM – My wife gets up for her 12 hour shift at the hospital (plus 1hr commute each way)
  • This is probably why I wrote the preface. I get kudos for being a parent while my wife is literally saving lives.
  • Another side note: BoMA expenses are way more than revenue so far, so… thank you Heidi for income and health insurance.
• Something else AM – Claire (4 years old) came in to snuggle with me. No complaints.
• 7:50 AM – Afton (9 years old) came in to snuggle with me. My only complaint: it was time to get ready for school, so I only got to snuggle both girls for a minute.
• 8:00 AM – Pack Afton’s lunch. Neighbor is driving carpool, so we focus on getting Afton out the door. We have a little extra time to get Claire ready for preschool.
• 8:03 AM – Remember I’m checking Afton out early today for therapy (checking with her before I post this) so she doesn’t need a lunch.
• 8:05 AM – Brush Afton’s hair
• 8:10 AM – Banana, slice of bread, and string cheese for Claire’s breakfast (Afton gets herself cereal)
• 8:20 AM – Brush Claire’s teeth
• 8:25 AM – Brew coffee
• 8:35 AM – Get Afton out the door
• 8:36 AM – Claire comes downstairs fully dressed in her recital tutu, tights, and ballet shoes, and announces she is dressed for preschool. I enthusiastically agree.
• 8:40 AM – Brush Claire’s hair
• 8:45 AM – Find my magical hoodie that always makes me look more put together than I am.
• 8:50 AM – Out the door to take Claire to preschool, with a cup of coffee (yessss)
• 9:10 AM – Drop off
• 9:25 AM – Back home, breakfast (2 fried eggs, toast with laughing cow cheese)
• 10:00 AM – Prepping lunch for both girls – slicing strawberries, adding blueberries, cutting cucumber, grabbing two string cheeses, filling a ziploc with cheese balls, snatching a couple bags of chips, grabbing a protein bar for me, prepping two water bottles and putting them in their respective cupholders in the car, rinsing out my coffee cup and filling with water.
• 10:20 AM – Remember I have to show ID at the school and I haven’t seen my wallet in a week. Frantically work up a sweat searching the house.
• 10:45 AM – I’m out of time. I give up, with the hope that I will find the wallet in the car. But if I don’t they know me at the school. I just like being a rule follower with that kind of thing. School shootings scare the hell out of me. This world is insane. You should be painting with your kid. Start here.
• 11:00 AM – I’m at the school, shining my phone light between the seats and THERE’S MY WALLET HALLELUJAH I AM THE KING OF THE WORLD.
• 11:05 AM – I hold the door open for the Little Caesar’s delivery lady and we both walk in without showing ID.
• 11:10 AM – Waiting for Afton, and a girl with a “Birthday Girl” tiara comes into the office – her class is having the pizza party.
• 11:15 AM – Got Afton, we walk to the car
• 11:37 AM – Pick up Claire from preschool 7 minutes late. We were on time, but the kids got out late. This is super rare – in fact it has never happened before. Afton’s appointment is at noon, 30 minutes away. Fffffffffffff
• 11:40 AM – Claire asks me why I’m driving so fast
• 12:06 PM – Arrive, Afton checks herself in, girls have to go potty.
• 12:12 PM – Walk back into the therapy office with both girls, therapist is waiting
• 12:15 PM – Excellent therapy session, if a bit short due to our tardiness
• 1:00 PM – To Target to pick up a birthday present for the party Afton is going to tonight. Put Claire in the cart with a bag of Dorito’s. She’s a happy camper.
• 1:30 PM – DONE shopping and hit the clearance jackpot: a pink fuzzy purse for $2.50, gold plated necklace with the birthday girl’s initial for $4, earrings for $14, and some skittles. Everything fits inside the cute purse perfectly. Forget what I said about not giving me kudos. I am the king of the world.
• 1:35 PM – Drive back home, still enough fruit and chips that we’re snacking all the way.
• 2:05 PM – Get home, Claire is asleep. Set her up for a nap on the couch.
• 2:10 PM – Remind Afton we need to clean the downstairs floor – would she like to vacuum or mop? She chooses mop and draws an AMAZING turtle while I vacuum. Her sketching skills are growing by leaps and bounds! Too bad she’s totally bored with painting. No problem – she often sketches while Claire and I are painting. The together time is the point.

• 2:35 PM – Set Afton up to mop and head upstairs to play the “monster game” with Claire. I’m a monster trying to collect things on the ottoman, but my collections correspond with drawers where the stuff belongs, so she can “steal” them from me and put them away where I can’t get them. It’s a great clean-up game.
• 3:05 PM – Inspect Afton’s mopping… she did great! She goes to a friend’s house. Claire cries because she’s not invited.
• 3:10 PM – Playing the tickle game with Claire. Again, I’m a monster. I’m trying to catch her and tickle her, but I’m a very stupid monster and she loves outsmarting me.

I’m too tired to keep listing the rest of everything. It was a lot, that’s the point. We got the floor clean, we got the upstairs decluttered, we played with the dogs, I cleaned the dog dishes and some other stuff, we got Afton to her birthday party, I tried to pick her up an hour early (oops), came back and picked her up at the appropriate time, just dropped her off for a “late over” at another friend’s house, just managing her social engagements is a mental load, which is great because she’s a good friend and I’m proud of her for that. But man, that’s my Friday night. Managing a 9-year-old’s social outings while entertaining a 4-year-old. And I love them both so much.

Afton’s social stuff, plus therapy, plus school, plus Claire’s preschool, plus keeping everyone fed, plus cleaning, plus the dogs… and, not to brag, but I also showered today.

Meanwhile, my wife has been working on a high-acuity unit at Huntsman Cancer Institute, and she’s still not home (it’s 10pm now) because she had to fill out an incident report. There is no telling what that incident might be.

Claire is next to me playing a game on her tablet. She’s up very late.

I wrote a blog post.

Time to get Afton back home, girls to bed, me to bed, hopefully Heidi gets home soon.

Adulting is so hard. You owe it to yourself to relax, unwind, and develop a relaxing hobby that enables you to connect with you loved ones. Plus, it helps heal your own mind. And you’ll learn a new appreciation for all the colors you see in the world around you. Did you know brown is orange?

Brown is totally orange.

Goodnight.